The reality of hiding, I cannot take this anymore...

Today, was a crazy day. First, the NYSYLC kicked off their "Trail of Dreams" in support of undocumented youth and the passage of the Dream Act. We were scheduled to walk for 7 miles in the inaugural "trail" from noon to 3pm. (We did start at noon, but actually finished at 5:30!) Anyway, many came and walked to show their support for immigrant youth and our quest for legalization.

But this day, I'll remember most for is that I came out in a Korean newspaper article for the Dream Act, which coincidented with the "Trail of Dreams". The article (whose title is the heading) detailed how I initially discovered my undocumented status, as well as my journey from college to my present day situation. It also talked about my activism at Brown University and my desire to work for ALL undocumented youth (an estimated 3 Million) in the U.S. And, the thing that I wanted to do differently for this article was to stress a hopeful message as I realized that "few" undocumented youth have died tragically (via suicide. Especially, one very recently.) That's not something I wished to talk about, but I felt I had to. I had wanted to raise awareness, which would lead them to find support, which ultimately would save lives. Basically, to give them hope to move them out of their state of depression, despair, and anxiety. That even without paperwork, they too can be "out and proud" and make their lives better.

Remember, there are very few Asian-American Dream Act Activist, and my picture made the paper! I'm pretty sure I was the first one (or one of the first) who ever talked about this openly, in the New York (Korean) newspaper!

However, my "openess", or activism did come at a price. My parents, esp my mom, became furious over the article. They questioned me, asking me why I was being so open and "out" there. "Why are you putting us in danger?!", she screamed. "And how is this helping the Dream Act?!" I would reply, "People are dying. I couldn't not think about them. I wanted to let others know that there is hope and not to give up." She answered back, "Then what are you going to do, save everybody?" My response, "Sure, let it be on my shoulders then."

This actually reminded me of a scene in The Dark Knight between Bruce Wayne and Alfred.

(Background: The Joker had been killing innocent people to make Batman take off his mask. He was "bloodying" Bruce's hands, basically forcing him to retire.)

Bruce: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?

Alfred: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it. But that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.

And yes, Bruce couldn't endure it. He quit (initially). But that was just a movie. What happens when this is real life? Then I think you have to make the hard choices. The most difficult choices are the ones that reveal your character and eventually show you what your made of. And time will tell, if this was the right choice.

Yes, I know my parents are angry. They have a lot at stake. And I might not be the legendary "Batman". But I do hope this blows over in my family. It might take some time though. Maybe a lot of time. Its just that I felt I owed it to the Jong-Min's out there to work for the Dream Act. To be "out" there at Brown. To be on the radio. To be in journalism projects. To be in newspaper articles, which includes the Pacific Citizen last September. After all, 1 in 5 South Koreans are undocumented. And, the rate may even be higher. (Esp, in this post 9/11 world.) And if all these students happen to graduate college - like I did 7 years ago - and the Dream Act still hasn't passed, then what's out there for them? That's right - nothing at all. That's why we so desperately need the Dream Act. We need it to move on with our lives. To stop being afraid AND to have peaceful families, especially if one is such an open and honest Activist (in a very stereotypical Asian family.)

Fellowship group, part 2

Last week, I attended my fellowship group. It was the day after my birthday, and I didn't expect anybody to remember. Heck, I'm not sure of anyone's birthday in there as well. So lo and behold, I was received very warmly and told, "Happy Birthday" by members! I even received cake as well, but that was just a fortunate coincidence, as the hosts had celebrated someone else's birthday. But I'm not complaining. After all, cake is cake, no?

Anyway, it was good to be back. I've missed some/many meetings due to the craziness of the grocery store, LSAT prep, house repair work, etc, etc. And I enjoyed some of the small chat, as I've been gone "some" time. Unfortunately, I even had to leave early, as the demands of the store, forced me to say, "Goodbye" around 9:30 pm. But it was just as I was leaving, which I'll remember most.

Tony: (talking to the group leader) So, as you can see. Wait Jong, are you going?

Me: Yeah, but I didn't want to interrupt. I'm just quietly going on my way.

Tony: Get outta here! No, wait. I didn't mean it like that. But, yeah, it was good to see you. Happy Birthday by the way.

Me: (now, with the whole group watching me) Well, thanks. I have to get back.

Amy: (group hostess) Happy Birthday too! Why do you have to go?

Me: My dad is always worried about thieves and robbers. And sometimes, when you're always out saving the world, you have little time for other things. (This is in reference to my work for the Dream Act too, which few of them know about. Nevertheless, the members that do know my secret, nod, knowing I'm referring to that work as well.)

(continuing on): Thanks everyone. See you guys next week! Yeah, go, get back to your discussion.

(FYI: what was odd, to me, was that another member just left quietly, and we continued talking, as he walked out. But they had stopped the discussion, just to talk to me?)

Everybody: Bye Jong!

Me: Bye! And Sherlock Holmes was a good movie, but a little bit complicated.

Then I left, thinking, "Wow, these are good people here. I'm very lucky!"

May God always bless them! :-)

My Birthday...

Today, I turned 30. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. I guess when we all were younger, we all thought we'd be rich, and famous by the time the big "3-0" rolled around. Or have accomplished great things, such as curing cancer. ;-) Or be on "top of the world".

But what if your life didn't plan out that way? I guess that's ok. I think God has a plan for all of us. And sometimes it takes a little while longer and much more determination to accomplish your dreams. Maybe, we have to be very patient and faithful, and then wait for God's timing in our lives.

And as I look ahead towards this new year and this new chapter in my life, I hope to continue the great work from last year. I guess, I'm very excited about the future, even though I may be a little older, and a little slower than before. But there comes a trade-off, as I've become much more mature, and much more wiser than in my 20's.

So while I can reminisce about my (past) life forever, I think I'll relax a little bit today and treat myself to a movie. I want to see another great detective, Sherlock Holmes, at work. It's gotten great reviews and I'll be happy just to see it.

A big, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me! I hope and pray that this will be the beginning of great new things in my life! And I definitely believe in it too!@

On my way back...

I just sat in an (optional) workshop for the LSAT. It was 3 hours of fun! lol! Actually, no it wasn't. So, the workshop focused on the Reading Comprehension section of the exam. Call me crazy or delusional, but I needed to be there. I know I must study for this exam for the next 6-7 months in order to do well. (FYI: Most students study for 3 months max, for this exam.) So, why do I do this? Cause if I ever want to make it back, then I know I have to put ALL I've got into it, just to have a chance - if this is indeed my one last great chance - to do well.

Its been 6 years since I graduated college. I've lost a step or two of brain power. But what I've got left + maturity + wisdom = a great LSAT score (hopefully). And that's all I can count on or wish for. With all the work in front of me + Dream Act Activism + my parents store + landlord + etc, it feels overwhelming. (And it really is.) But, I can't tell you how much it would mean to me to be able to do ALL this things in the next year or so. It really is indescribable. If I could only study and succeed at everything, then I wouldn't worry. However, you're never guaranteed anything, even with the best game plan. And all these things will keep me worried late at night, as it should, for the next year. So I guess that's life. You just never know how things will turn out, even with your greatest efforts. I think you have to do the best you can, when you can. And I think that those who are determined to succeed are the ones that "we" look up to. I just hope to be that guy, one of those days. I would even say its a goal of mine to do "remarkable" stuff. To be a great person, you have to great things, I would say.

I've got much studying to do. There's something I've mentioned before called the LSAT that's just another 4 hour exam. Likewise, there goes my "freedom". Oh LSAC, (the Law School Admission Council, the ones who make potential law students lives miserable), you also know how to "control" our lives as well. And the fact that we pay you, makes it more sad. (I actually laughed at all this, but then, didn't understand why this was funny. Oh well.)

(Back to room, studying...)

The indomitable human spirit!

I just read this inspiring article about how an African teenager with no education, no money and no supporters built an electric windmill for his home and village. And through his invention, he's finally going to get his education! Wow! It makes you really think that if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. That's right, believe in your abilities, no matter what the doubters say. Its that indomitable human spirit that says, "You can!"

How a Malawian teenager harnessed the power of the wind

It's just TOO much!!!

Today, I attended a Lottery training seminar with my mom. We have a grocery store and the NY State lottery requires all agents/retailers to have a new lottery terminal/machine at the end of the month. Therefore, we had attended this seminar because we were required to be "trained" for these new machines.

So, the main thing I noticed about these machines, were how they vastly upgraded the interface and structure of the lottery terminal. Gone are the bulky, heavy, and paper driven mess that all agents had to deal with. Now, its just a monitor and small printer. Even, the new paper roll is smaller and now, glossy. It seems that the Lottery people have had plenty of input from Dell and Company.

But, the thing that I was most concerned with was how the older retailers would adjust to these new machines. Frankly, most of these retailers are in their 50's and older, just like my parents, and they too never had a lot of experience with computers. How would they adjust from pressing tickets from a keyboard to a new system with a touch screen and a gajillion different options?

"It's just TOO much!", a fellow store owner would say. He continued, "For young people, like you, its ok. But for us, we've never had any real experience with computers."

"You're right," I replied. And I couldn't help but think that with all these new technological advances and gadgets, WE (me, you, society, businesses, etc.,) have somewhat created or intended to leave the older folks behind. I mean, did Apple really create the iPhone for my parents? Of course not. And as I thought about "them" - the older folks - I questioned myself, "Are we going to push them out of jobs, and into retirement, as they struggle to keep up?" Probably, I answered. And I think they too are coming to the realization that their time is limited, that they are becoming "expired" and this is just a gradual way for them to become obsolete. Very sadly, I might add this last point.

So, back to my mom, she also had trouble using the machine. And she's typed her resume, sent emails, and downloaded audio files from her mini MP3 player onto our home computer. Therefore, she's somewhat computer literate. And I have full confidence in her that she can adjust to this machine. But what about my father? I can't even imagine how my father would ever get used to a machine. He barely knows how to turn on a computer!

And I'm sure when the new lottery terminal comes to our store, I'll have to be there day and night, teaching him ALL the new features. But, I do wonder from what I observed today, if we're advancing technology (and even society through these advances), but at the same time, "pushing" these older folks out of their way of life. Not to mention, gradually erasing their self-worth, their values and their collective souls out of our own lives.

Update 10/8 - I just read this article. I thought it validated what I wrote above. But there seems to be solutions!

Technology, economy proves a barrier for older, less-educated applicants

Asian Americans Continue to Rally for Passage of a DREAM

I would like to thank the NYSYLC for asking me to be interviewed for a Dream Act article, by the Pacific Citizen newspaper. I've attached the weblink below. And I was very fortunate that my story - plus, my ideas and my thoughts! - were selected as the main plot line for this informative article. Also, I received a hard copy of the newspaper and I have to say, it looks much better than the web version. And maybe, just maybe, I'll post pictures of this newspaper article via the blog.

Pacific Citizen Dream Act Article