I remember watching "Murphy Brown" years ago - yes many years ago! and remembering this one particular show. Murphy was diagnosed with cancer and in the process of receiving many bouts of chemotherapy. At the hospital, she would sit in the waiting room and tell the other cancer survivors that it was getting harder and harder after each and every session.
Perhaps, I thought, the show's message was that recovery, or life itself would get harder as time went on. And, for me, that has come true.
Its been 7 years since I graduated college and my life has been hectic. Today, I had to reject so many applicants for an apartment for rent. And then fly to the store to help with the business there. You would think I would have some help for one or the other. But noooo, I have to do both!
My parents are getting older and have made many irrational decisions as they've aged. And it seems that the pressure and burden has fallen entirely on my shoulders. I've always justified it, saying that if I wanted to be a good son, I should do this for them. However, I think this "role" of a good son all these years has squeezed so much time, and energy out of me, that I've forgotten how to enjoy my life.
And really, quite honestly, I don't mind helping out my parents. Its just that its become too much at times, and they think that everything can be done in 5 minutes. Seriously, how do you refinance a house in 5 minutes? Or paint an apartment? Or consider dozens of applications in less than an hour? Its impossible! Yet, they think it can (and should) be done within time frame!@
Also, did I mention that I do Dream Act "work"? That in itself, should be my main focus, but its just an integral part of what I do. And when you have sooo many things to do, and sooo people counting on you, you're "compromised" to juggle things around - which shouldn't be juggled around, like going to Dream Act events. And yes, I'll be in DC for one day, next week. Just one, maybe two, as I do have to go back home and tend to a sick parent and the demands of my life, of course.
I just hope though, that all this is worth it - that its all designed for me to be that great federal judge, who goes on to the Supreme Court, and then (many years later) to Heaven. Its just been a looooong and bumpy road. I can't tell you how many days and hours I've wanted back. Or the fact that I wanted my life back. And when you're a Dreamer it just makes it more and more difficult to be free, esp when you live in an invisible prison, stuck behind these invisible bars. But, I believe God has a plan for our lives and asks us to be faithful. And if we are, then I'm sure He can turn any situation around, use our trials and tribulations to our advantages, and then, perhaps if its in His will, make our Dreams come true. That I can only hope for, and pray about, esp right now. :)